


I'll Never Love Again

by jessequicksters



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 15:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17025261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessequicksters/pseuds/jessequicksters
Summary: If Tony had known things would turn out like this, he would never have loved Steve.





	I'll Never Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> I WAS LISTENING TO THE A STAR IS BORN SOUNDTRACK AND IT CRUSHED ME I'M REALLY SORRY  
> (also for the 'take off the suit' - 500 Discord members collection)

Tony’s screaming as loud as he can, for as long as he can. His brain is short-circuiting with a flood of biting pain. His heart is a torrent of emotions, the raging anger rapidly subsiding—it’s quickly draining out of him, leaving him with nothing. He’s always left with nothing.

Losing Steve was never an option. It was never even a possible reality, and yet—

It hurts so much it must be real. If he’d known things would turn out this way, then Tony would never have loved him.

Loving Steve was never an option. Tony didn’t even think before jumping, didn’t even think before getting comfortable lying in Steve’s arms for the first time, didn’t even think before making love to him like they were going to be one forever, didn’t even think before goddamn acting like someone who only had one shot at love. Now that shot’s gone, and he has no one but himself to blame for it.

He’s sobbing onto his workstation; the hard metal pressed against his face isn’t enough to numb the pain. He lifts his head tentatively, looking into the gleaming helmet on the table looking back at him, with not even a scratch to show for all the blood he’s lost—the blood of his heart, Steve. What’s the point of all this armor if the only thing it can do is keep _him_ alive. Fuck. Fuck it all.

“J, take off the suit. I’m not going to need it anymore,” the armor clicks off him, the physical weight dropping from his body. He points to the rest of the room. “All of it. All of this goes.”

“Sir, are you certain that—”

“Jarvis, I meant what I said. Get rid of everything.”

He barely manages to push off from his desk to stand up. Just looking around the room at his own tech is making him nauseous. He’s racing for the elevator door to collapse on a bed upstairs that’s going to be empty. Oh god, he’s already forgotten what Steve’s touch feels like. Remember, remember, goddamn, it.

“Why’d you have to go, baby?” Tony whimpers quietly, in the elevator that’s not even moving. He breaks down in between his legs, thinking of the last time he saw Steve smile—what has it been, weeks? That’s far too long, no wonder the memories are slipping away.

“Did you even know how much I fucking loved you? I know I said it every day until—fuck, until the very end, and I would’ve said it again if I knew that this would be it. What do I do now?

I don’t want to give anyone else these parts of me, the best parts of me that you brought out. It’s all yours, baby, remember when you said…”

_“Tony, I want you to hold on to my heart for the rest of your life, and I’ll hold onto yours for the rest of mine. That’s okay, me too. I’ll never love again, either.”_


End file.
